Outsiders
by okteiviablake
Summary: After Lincoln refuses to leave Arkadia, Octavia makes a final decision. [3x04 - Canon Divergence AU]


Octavia slammed the door of her and Lincoln's bedroom shut and began pacing the room. She let out a frustrated groan. She'd just come from Arkadia's main gate, where they'd refused to let her leave. The army that Lexa had sent to protect them was right outside, Indra among them. She wanted to go to them, to join her people. She had wanted to leave Arkadia for months. The difference was, now they _could_ actually go. The kill order on Lincoln had been lifted, there was nothing holding them back. They could leave. But no… Lincoln had refused to leave, even after that asshole Gillmer had practically split his head open with a rock.

 _It'll pass,_ he had vowed to her before dropping a soft kiss on her forehead.

She scoffed. How could he still be so naively hopeful? There would never be peace with Skaikru. Especially now with Pike's people here, instigating their 'Grounder killers, one and all' message. The Arkers had been scared of the Grounders since they landed and these newcomers from the Farm Station were only stirring things up, feeding even more fear and anger into the hearts of idiotic Sky People.

After she'd left Lincoln in Medical, Octavia had tried to leave, but Harper and Monroe, in their tidy little guard's uniforms, had stopped her. Her friends, who had once hated the system as much as she did, followed the Council's orders now. _Just like sheep_ , she thought scornfully.

When she'd stalked away from the closed gate, frustration and disbelieving anger boiling inside her, her brother had approached her. Bellamy didn't trust the grounders. Hated them, even. Down to core of it, he was still pissed about Lexa's decision to abandon the Sky People at Mount Weather. He'd even had the gall to say that it wasn't safe out there. It wasn't safe _in here_. Not for her, and certainly not for Lincoln. Despite any claims from her brother that she and Lincoln were a different case, that they weren't like other grounders, the people of Arkadia would never see it that way. Sooner or later, this fragile peace would break and they would be at war again; the Sky People would turn on them and Lincoln would be the first to fall. Why couldn't either of them see that?

Octavia sank down on the bed, dropping her face to her hands. She felt exhausted.

She looked around their room. It was like she'd never left the Ark. Some nights, she would wake up in a cold sweat. Panicked, terrified that she was still on the Ark. But she'd always had Lincoln there beside her, to comfort her. However, lately, she could feel him more and more distant from her, and from their people. That terrified her more than any nightmare.

Lincoln accepting to wear the guard's uniform hurt most of all. After the hell they'd put her through… All those times she had hid in fear, trembling beneath the floorboards, terrified that they would find her and kill her and her entire family. She thought back to everything the guards had done to her family. To her mother, in particular – the lewd and suggestive comments those filthy animals had made to her, the way they'd grabbed her without consent, how her mother would return in tears… Octavia shuddered, feeling the nightmares coming back.

But it hadn't been enough that he was wearing their damned uniform, now he didn't want to leave this hell hole. After everything they'd been through together, after everything the Sky People had _put_ them through, she couldn't help but feel a little… betrayed.

Tilting her head back slightly, Octavia tried to take a deep breath. Every second she spent under this roof, she felt like she couldn't breathe.

She had finally found herself with the Trikru, only to have everything ripped away from her in a blink of an eye. Her sole comfort and joy in this mess was Lincoln, but now even he seemed to prefer Skaikru to their own people. The truth was they weren't safe in Arkadia, not anymore, and she'd had enough. She wasn't going to stay in this hellish place one minute longer.

Octavia got up, resolved. She went to the big box that held her personal things, grabbed a bag and started packing.

Shortly after, the door opened and Lincoln walked inside. He'd just come from helping Abby and Nyko with the sick Grounders in Medical. Octavia spared him a glanced and saw his shocked expression. He was still wearing that freaking guard's uniform, the blood that had run down his face was dry on his skin. He'd come to their room with the intention of cleaning up. Instead, he'd opened the door to find Octavia shoving her things into a bag.

"What are you doing?" he muttered.

She kept packing.

"I'm leaving," she stated firmly. "For good."

He was in shock, hurt. Was she going to leave without him?

"Were you even going to tell me? Or were you just going to leave?"

"You made it very clear that you don't want to leave," she told him. "You can do whatever you want, but I'm out of here. I'm not staying another minute in this place."

"Why?"

She looked back at him with a disbelieving expression. " _Why_?"

How did he not get it? Suddenly, she snapped.

"We're finally free, we can go! Why are we still here?" she demanded. "We don't owe them _anything_!"

"They have done a lot for us, for me, these past few months… Most of them are good people. What happened today won't happen again."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"You're defending them? The people who tortured you, who _just_ tried to kill you, the people who executed my mother and tried to execute me for the crime of being born. Really?" she thundered. "Face it, Lincoln. They're not better than the Mountain Men."

No matter how much Lincoln wanted to believe that they could all coexist, she knew the hard truth. Skaikru would never change, would never accept others. There would always be a war.

"When war breaks again, and it will, I'm not gonna be on this side. Are you?"

Lincoln didn't want to believe in that possibility. He wanted to believe that the Sky People and the Commander could continue on a peaceful path, and that Azgeda wouldn't be a problem for much longer.

"I'm tired of fighting, Octavia..." he sighed.

"I know, but we don't have to fight at all," she told him. "We could go to Luna's like we always planned. The kill order was lifted, so we wouldn't be drawing any attention to her like you said."

When he didn't say anything, Octavia sighed and closed her eyes. "Well, I'm going… I want you to leave with me, Lincoln. Of course I do. But I can't force you to do it. It has to come from you, it has to be your choice. So, if you want to stay, stay," she whispered hoarsely. This was breaking her heart, but it had to be done. "I just... I can't anymore." They stood in silence for a moment. "I can't pretend I'm okay anymore, I can't pretend I'm happy anymore..." she continued, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. "I just can't be here anymore."

"What about your brother?" he asked.

"Bellamy's fine with it. He said so himself."

A small lie. Her brother _had_ told her it was okay for her to leave, that he understood. But that had been before the attack on Mount Weather. Now, he'd had a change of heart and he distrusted the Grounders more than ever. Bellamy didn't want her to leave Arkadia, but it really wasn't up to him. Octavia would miss her brother, but she had made her decision.

She took a deep breath, her shoulders dropping.

"What are we still even doing in Arkadia, Lincoln?" she muttered. "The Commander lifted the kill order on you. There's no reason for us to be here."

He knew she was upset about his reluctance to leave Arkadia, but Lincoln truly believed his presence could somehow help their two peoples get along.

"Maybe if we could wait just until–"

"Until what? Until one of them kills you? Or me?" she asked. He shuddered internally at the thought of her dying. Octavia shook her head. "No, Lincoln. No… I'm not staying here another minute. And neither should you."

Lincoln continued to stare at her, speechless. Octavia tried to hold back the tears that threatened to spill as she packed the rest of her belongings. She really didn't want to leave him behind, it killed her to be doing it, but she didn't have a choice.

"I love you," she said earnestly, her eyes shining with tears. The words took him by surprise. It was the first time she'd said them. "but I just can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."

She pulled the strap of the bag over her shoulder.

This was it. She was leaving.

Octavia came toward him, put her hands on his chest and dropped a kiss on his cheek.

"In case you change your mind," she whispered, a tear rolling down her face. "you know where I'll be."

After one last look at the love of her life, Octavia walked away.

Lincoln watched her leave, stunned speechless. He sat down on the bed roughly, her kiss burning on his skin. He felt like someone was ripping his heart right out of his chest.

* * *

Bag over one shoulder, guiding Helios by his reins, Octavia marched up to the gate again. Harper and Monroe were still there, guarding the exit.

Harper rolled her eyes. "Octavia… Again?"

"We already told you no one leaves," Monroe insisted.

"I'm not coming back," Octavia informed them.

"Let her go," Abby called out from a few feet away, as she came toward them. She was the Chancellor and she called the shots. Harper and Monroe stepped away, returning to their posts.

Octavia nodded in thanks when the Chancellor reached her.

"Thanks, Abby."

Abby glanced at the bag.

"You're not coming back, are you?"

Octavia shook her head. "No."

The other woman nodded, thoughtfully. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"I don't belong here, Abby. I don't fit in, and I never will," she said. With a sad smile, she added, "Besides, I'll safer with them than I'll ever be in here."

Abby's expression turned sad, but she understood and nodded. She knew Octavia would never feel at home here.

"What about Lincoln?"

Octavia's small smile faded instantly.

"That has to be his decision. I'm hoping this will give him a little push, but I don't know…" After a moment, she asked, "Can you do me a couple of favors, please?"

Abby nodded. "Of course."

"Keep an eye on Lincoln, make sure he's stays out of trouble. And, uh, tell my brother I had to go and that he'll always be in my heart. Okay?"

"Yeah, you got it."

Octavia nodded gratefully. "Thank you."

The two women embraced.

"Good luck, honey," Abby said when they pulled apart. Then, she ordered to the guards on the high tower, "Open the gate, let her through."

They obeyed.

With one last grateful nod at Abby, Octavia left Arkadia behind.

* * *

Sitting on their bed, Lincoln pondered over their situation.

Truth be told, he'd seen the change in her. Octavia had been unhappy, miserable even, feeling trapped. She felt that they didn't belong there and never would, maybe that was true. And, while he still believed that his presence in Arkadia might do some good for the peace between Skaikru and his people, Octavia was his priority. He would do anything for her.

He looked around, as if realizing it for the first time. She was gone. Octavia had left, for good. The space felt so bare without her… And so did he.

 _What the hell was he still doing here?_

Lincoln got up, took off the guard's uniform and tossed it on the bed roughly. He grabbed his things, gave their little room a final glance and left.

* * *

In the Grounder campsite outside Arkadia, Octavia stood in front of her former mentor. Indra had been happy to see her, but disappointed that she'd come alone. She'd wanted Lincoln to come along, but the boy had always been strong-willed, with a mind of his own and he'd made his choice. It surprised her that he'd chosen to remain behind without her.

It was agony for Octavia to be without him, but she'd had to put herself first. She couldn't have remained in Arkadia for another moment, not with her people right outside the gate. For months, she'd put him first, but he was no longer in danger from Lexa's kill order. They were free.

Suddenly, they heard a deep voice from outside the tent, a voice she would have recognized anywhere.

Octavia closed her eyes in relief. Lincoln was here, he'd come.

He walked inside the tent.

"I'll give you a moment," Indra said before leaving them alone.

Octavia turned to face him.

"I'm not going back there. Ever."

"I know. Neither am I."

She nodded slowly, thoughtfully. "What made you change your mind?"

"There are a lot of things I can live without in this world, you're not one of them," he vowed. "Where you go, I go."

Octavia trembled, her eyes shining brightly with tears. Then, she walked straight into his open arms and they held one another fiercely. They were each other's home, and that was all that mattered.

"I love you, too," he added, smiling. "And I want to be with you, I don't care where."

She grinned back at up him.

 _Oh, how he had missed that smile._

Lincoln encircled his arms around her waist and leaned his forehead down against hers.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Then, she reached up and touched the cut on his head. Abby had stitched it up pretty well, but his skin was still all bloody.

Octavia took his hand in hers. "Come on, let me clean that up."

As she cleaned the dry blood off his face, they agreed to stay with the Trikru army for a little while, then they would move on to live with Luna's people.

She huddled close to him. Lincoln kissed her forehead and held her tightly.

They would always be outsiders, but at least they had each other.


End file.
